I haven't posted in over a year but I thought I should finish telling the story.
So it is the holiday season and everyone is just happy she made it to this point. We had Thanksgiving at my house. Family came and we ate and had civil conversations. Connie and Andre didn't stay long. She was in a wheelchair and since she could not support herself she was uncomfortable sitting up for long periods of time. While hospice came out 2-3x a week we would always wait for them to come out and we would walk up and ask them the status on her health. They would always tell us which was very nice of them, Andre wasn't popular with any of the staff.
So this continued for a few weeks until I was just done. I didn't mind watching and helping Connie when Andre went to work, but he started to take advantage of me. He started going to the bar after work and it made me madder than anything.
Right before December I had convinced Andre that it would be a lot more convenient if we moved her to my place. I was of course being a little sneaky because my husband, me, and my sister-in-law had wanted her away from Andre since day one. Well she moved down to my place.
My husband and I were officially her caregivers. Hospice updated her paperwork and had me sign it. They definitely liked being at my place better. The delivery man from the pharmacy even found Andre sketchy.
Now when I say they moved her to my place, I ain't talking about a car ride away. I mean we shared a yard, I could throw a football and hit their house. So we just walked everything down to my place. I kept up with her stuff really well. I used that spray on chalkboard paint on my front door and it became a chart that I would show the nurses. They actually laughed at how organized I was. I kept up with how many times she pee and pooped everyday, I kept up with her temperature, I had a chart on the times I checked her sugar, I wrote down what she ate, I had her medicine schedule laid out, I was actually proud of myself at how organized I had become.
Now remember I said my husband and I took over her care well that isn't entirely true. I became her 24hr care provider. My husband was never home, not because of work but his own choice. He never got up in the night or anything. We had a huge fight because the clothes weren't washed and he accused me of not doing anything. I lost it on him and he eventually apologized.
She was at my house for 2 months and I think a little change. And in all that time I was the one doing it. Her husband had the nerve to get frustrated when I asked him if he wanted to feed her. He would come down but hardly stay. I mean as close as he lived and he would only come down once a day it, was ridiculous. He could have came down anytime day or night and he chose not to. I was slowly losing it.
As time went on I started to breakdown. My back was hurting because she had actually gained weight and could no longer help me when I was changing her. One day I just cracked. I called hospice and told them I couldn't do it anymore that I was feeling overwhelmed and they understood but told me it could take about 30days to get her placed in a home. I stayed calm on the phone but as soon as I hung up I actually cried. I felt horrible for feeling the way I was but I just couldn't anymore.
A couple days later we ended up calling an ambulance. She was acting weird and turned out she had another UTI. So she was admitted and transitioned from hospital to a long-term facility. I felt like a total failure but I had no help and I was beginning to feel drained.
I apologized to my husband multiple times because I felt awful. He told me it wasn't my fault and he should have been there to help me.
When I went up to the nursing home for the first time I was pissed. They wouldn't listen to anything I say because Andre didn't put me on the list of people to share information with. I told them that she was on a prescription powder for moisture build up and they ought to use it. They ignored me and got rude saying I couldn't suggest anything because I didn't have permission to. The CNA told me I should just bring what she had left up there.
So this is the start of the decline part 2 will be the rest of the story.
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